Memories of a secret love
by HeavenInHell
Summary: Their love was great yet forbidden. His death ripped her heart out, and left her broken and empty forever. All she had left were their child and the painful memories of their secret happiness, but her lustful dreams and tantalizing feelings kept him alive. Or was that all? Beta on the board is the amazing LadyKryptonite. Rated M!
1. Chapter 1 RIP

**Author note: We all know very well that I do not own Harry Potter. How very unfortunate...**

**Memories of a secret love**

**Chapter 1**

** RIP**

**_12 May, 2002_**

"Mum, take me with you!" The little boy stomped his foot, stubbornly clinging to his mother's dress.

"You know that I can't do that, honey." His mother – barely an adult herself – bent down to the child and stroked the messy, raven strands of his hair. "Granny and grandad will take care of you, until I can come home again. Don't you like to be with them anymore?"

"I do," the little boy answered; still sullen, "but I want you to stay with us too! Katie lives with her mummy, and so does Tom. So why can't I?"

"Oh, Darling, you know that I would love to do that more than anything in the world, but I have to work. It will be only five days, and I'll be here with you again," his mother answered patiently, smiling at her son.

"Could you at least stay a little longer?" His lips already trembled. "I want you to tell me a bedtime story."

"But we just had lunch. Bedtime is quite far off yet," his mother laughed, and her eyes shined curiously. "But it was a nice try." She winked at the little boy, who bowed his head timidly, and swayed back and forth on his feet with embarrassment.

"You know, I still have to visit your father. I don't want him to forget that how much we love him," She smiled again, but this time the smile was pained. "You are more and more like him," she sighed to herself.

"Tell him, mum, that I love him very-very much, and give him this, please!" He sank his clammy, little hand into his pocket then pulled out a shiny, bright shell and handed it over to his mother. "Granny and I found it on the beach." His mother took the little treasure from him without a word then she turned to the middle-aged woman who just exited the nearby house.

"I have to go, mum. Would you, please, take Toby into the house with you?"

She hugged her mother with a sorrowful smile, and she placed a kiss on the little boy's cheek before taking her way towards the Murray Street that was on the border of Town Green where she could apparate unnoticed under the cover of the trees. As she turned on the spot her wavy, brown hair glimmered in the blinding sunshine of Port Macquarie then the salty vapour of the sea that she breathed in deeply suddenly mingling with the coolness of dark, towering woods.

Due to the time-lag it was scarcely six o'clock in the morning. The stillness of the forest was only disturbed by the chirping song of the early rising singing-birds. She was hurrying to the little meadow that was hidden in the depths of the Forbidden Forest. Pebble stones creaked and dry sprigs crunched under her light steps.

It was nearly four years ago that Harry Potter vanquished Lord Voldemort. Since then Hermione lived a monotonic life. It is true that she spent quite a few months in Australia with her parents, but then she returned to London, and passed the exams that were organized by the Ministry of Magic. She achieved Outstanding in every single subject. A year later she was already teaching in Hogwarts, after the Headmistress, Minerva McGonagall offered her the position of Professor of Muggle Studies. She was in need of money, so she gratefully accepted the job. She wanted to provide her child everything that was humanly possible. Thusly she was teaching from Monday to Friday, and spent the weekends with her little son in Australia, but she returned to Hogwarts every Sunday. Returned to Hogwarts where everything started and ended.

Her way was blocked by giant bushes of briar-rose. They were enwreathed so tightly that it seemed almost impossible to cross them. The obstacle didn't discourage her though. She pulled out her wand then aimed it at the shrubbery, and she was murmuring a few words. The briar-rose opened up obediently then closed up straight away and she crossed over. The meadow was surrounded by the bushes so tightly that sunlight couldn't get through, and it also filtered out the cacophony of the forest. The girl planted the magical shrubbery herself when she came to teach in the school, so it would protect the black marble grave from intruding gazes. Well, the black marble was also the result of her handiwork, just as all the protective spells that were calling to keep the place untouched by strangers. This was all that she had left of the love of her life; the never fading, torturing memories and the never ceasing grief. Those she fought for with tooth and nail, and protected them with all she had.

She slowly walked to the grave, and swept the fallen leaves off with her bare hands, taking her wand, and charming a wreath of white roses in their places. She settled down on the edge of the tombstone with a sigh on her lips. Her arms embraced the headstone, as they would embrace her lover. She didn't have to worry that anyone could discover her there like this. Tears started rolling down on her face, and this way she sobbed soundlessly for a long time. After all these years she was still unable to accept that the man once she secretly loved just ceased to exist. She was aware that it was a sort of madness. Still for her it felt like Severus Snape never would have died, only... stopped to be with her. For this she hated him just as much, as she loved him. Her confused feelings toward the man kept her visiting his tomb loyally every single week, and she "shared with him" all the little snippets. She told him about the pleasantness and pains of her every days, and she reported him about every minute that she could spend with their son. However right now she didn't say a single word. Being out of breath after crying so hard, she was just staring in surrender at the bland sign of the headstone.

**_Severus Tobias Snape_**

**_9 January, 1960 – 2 May, 1998_**

**_RIP_**

All those who were alive attended the funeral; students and professors of Hogwarts, even the Ministry of Magic was represented. Harry, Ron and Ginny paid their duty to his grave again one month later, but no one visited the place since then. It was forgotten and effaced. The wilderness would have grown over and consumed it, if she hadn't taken care of it. Severus Snape's wish was to be buried right here, as he stated it in his last will, and Hermione did know very well why this place was so important to him. Even now she blushed crimson, if she thought about that first, sweet and hot night that they spent together in this sacred meadow and which was followed by many similar encounters to rejoice their life. These nights let them to forget about the hideous things of the world, even if it was just for a short time. She suddenly started up, and she was shortly at the edge of the Forbidden Forest, taking the pathway that was leading up to the castle. She couldn't, didn't want to think about these things right now. It was more than enough that all she could see at nights were the lustfully blazing eyes of Severus Snape. She could even feel the traces of his finger on her skin. She couldn't let this insanity take over her life completely. She shook her head, and entered the huge, oak door in a rush that was slammed behind her with a loud bang.


	2. Chapter 2 The black diamond ring

**Author's note: **

**Dear, dear Readers, it is time to say a few words about this story. I know it seems really sad at the moment, but there will be happiness, that I can promise. Also, the memories won't come up in chronological order. I will try my best not to mess up the past, and I will use the Italic font to differentiate the past from the present. **

**Thank you for the reviews: kelsey chappell, luvslinkpk88, Loyd1957, Leah2201, Luna de Papel,  
**

**I really appreciate it. Reviews are the fuel to feed the fire. :-) I hope you will enjoy this chapter.**

**Chapter 2**

**The black diamond ring**

**_31 December, 1996_**

_The tranquillity of the Forbidden Forest was suddenly broken by the low, popping sound of an apparition. Hermione held a map in her hand that was roughly sketched by her lover, she examining it a little apprehensively. She had never been to this outlying part of the forest, so far from the castle. _

_"Lumos!" she whispered. _

_She held her wand high, and started to walk warily where she presumed her destination would be. She was worried that Severus was gone by now, as she was half an hour late. She told her parents that she was going to spend New Year's Eve at The Burrow, and she would only return on the following day. This was the first time ever in her life that she lied to her parents apart from the infamous family story about the chocolate biscuits that were stolen by the toilet monster. She sighed uneasily when she finally saw a dim light among the trees, but soon all her worries were washed away by delirious joy, feeling only relief when she entered the small clearing. _

_The welcoming sight completely exceeded her expectations especially as she was quite uncertain about what to expect. The flickering lights were in fact the glimmering of a dozen torches which encompassed an average sized tent that stood in the very middle of the clearing. She presumed that an Extending Charm was cast upon the tent. Candle lights were shining through the translucent fly, and the fickle flames casted their dancing shadows upon the dark, handsome face of a man who was sombrely strolling front of the tent. Hermione had to suppress a smile. The man suddenly looked up, as if he could hear the frantic hammering of her heart. He approached her ever so slowly then just as suddenly he pulled her in his arms. Hermione was always fascinated by Severus unpredictable actions. Even now she had no idea what she should prepare herself, and she just let the ice cold yet scalding emotions, which were triggered by his touch, his very presence, drift her into the unknown. _

_He was staring at her with that persistently unchanging gloominess in his eyes then pulled out his magic wand to cast a few non-verbal spell supposedly to isolate them from the outside world before letting her go at last. He was speechless, but insofar as the girl could see in the hazy light he was still staring at her. _

_"Good evening, Severus!" She didn't know what to do with his muteness. _

_"You came" his black velvety voice answered her. _

_"Did you doubt it?" Hermione could not understand why the wizard failed to see the blinding adoration that she felt for him. _

_"Always."_

_The girl playfully placed her forefinger upon Severus' lips. She wanted to silence his doubts, but he gently caught her finger between his lips, and suddenly tiny little fires lit up in her body. He certainly achieved his goal that he was ensured, for her breath caught in her throat, and all at once her eyes were glowing with desire. Finally he grabbed her waist and picked her up from the ground, forcing her to clutch his hips with her legs, tightening his arms around her while he was kissing her fiercely. They were in the tent in a split of a second, and Severus was peeling off her scarf, hat and winter coat then he took a step back, and absently examined the dress she wore._

_"Hmm." His lips twitched into a slight smirk._

_"What?" she asked suspiciously._

_"Hmm." He was humming again with a mysterious expression on his face and just shook his head._

_Hermione was looking at him, perplexed. When she left her home she was still convinced that her choice of dress was splendid. It was a night blue silk suit that gently hugged her body, and nicely showed her womanly curves. The cleavage was slightly deep yet tasteful. _

_"Merlin," he suddenly closed his eyes. "You are so beautiful, so desirable. _

_Hermione let out a sigh of relief, her heart was triumphantly beating in her chest. At last she had the chance to take in his appearance. _

_"Severus!" she exclaimed his name in disbelief. Then he opened his eyes, and smiled at her. "You are wearing a white shirt!" The sight of him in white was not only shocking but also strangely sensual._

_"Haven't you ever seen a white bat, love?" His gentle voice was sending shivers down her spine. _

_Hermione took a deep breath to answer his poetic question that was full of self-irony, but she was already too late. Again, he pulled her in his arms, and led her to the bed while he was kissing her impassionedly. He tenderly laid her down, and aimed to remove her clothing, needing her help help at one point however, for he couldn't manage to open her zipper. When nothing but her underwear kept his hungry eyes from discovering her treasures he languorously stroked her soft, milky skin. Then he was slowly starting to unbutton his shirt while his black eyes kept her gaze. Hermione shyly lifted her hand, but she was hesitant to take the lead. Yet eventually she grabbed his shirt, and pulled him down to her, so they could merge in a passionate kiss once again. Only a few minutes passed, and already an unrecognizably ravelled couple was lying in the bed, gasping and moaning, trying to get rid of the rest of their clothes as fast as possible. Hermione had never felt such an engulfing happiness like she did in that moment when he completely opened up for her. Her embarrassment and momentary dismay was overwhelmed by the wish to surrender to him so fully, as she never did to anyone before. _

_She screamed in pain when he vanquished the last barrier that stood between them, but his tender touch upon her face and his soothing words calmed her eventually. Then her passion began to run high and silenced the pain in her, their intoxicated moans and whimpers were blending into the cracking sounds of firework that was shot from the distant castle. _

_"My love," Severus whispered into her ear when they reached their Heaven together._

_**13 May, 2002**_

After another restless night Hermione was wearily stood under the shower. Yet again she was dreaming about her deceased lover, and this time the dream was never ending. She couldn't sleep at all, and it was barely Monday morning. Only a few students loitered around when she was already having her breakfast in the Great Hall. She was not lonely for long, for the headmistress accompanied her in a few minutes, and they reached for the coffee pot at the very same time. Hermione only had strong, black coffee at the mornings.

"Long night?" McGonagall raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"And as I see, yours was just as pleasant" In her foul mood she let the acrimonious remark slip.

"Don't even mention it! The endless piles of essays!" the headmistress sighed then she took a delight in the sips of her coffee.

"I don't understand, Minerva. Why can't you just find a new Transfiguration professor? The position of headmistress comes with more than enough responsibility. You absolutely overwork yourself."

Hermione was a little worried about Professor McGonagall since she was not exactly a spring chicken anymore.

"You are right, my dear, but I've been looking for a replacement for two years now, and I still couldn't find a suitable one. Fortunately enough Professor Sinistra was willing to take over my Head of House position

"Perhaps, if you would lower you expectations, dear Minerva, you would stand a better chance of finding a teacher." In her opinion no one was good enough to meet the headmistress' requirements.

She had her last class with the sixth year students that day. Teaching the upper years was not always simple for Professor Granger, as these students started the school when she was only but an enthusiastic student herself.

"Don't bother with the books, we won't need them today," she started the lesson with a smile on her face. "I have a surprise for you all. Does anyone remember what we were talking about last time? Helena?" she called the name of the black haired girl who occupied one of the front tables.

"We were talking about the muggle educational system, and teaching methods," the girl answered eagerly.

"Do you have any memories about field trips?" she asked, and when her students nodded hesitantly she continued. "My surprise for you is a field trip to the London Transport Museum and the National Gallery where you will be able to see the portraits of the most famous people of muggle history.

The students were whispering excitedly among each other. A field trip was an unprecedented case in the Hogwarts. It had never happened before that the famous School of Witchcraft and Wizardry just let the students invade the muggle world.

"Should I mention that you are to wear muggle clothing? Luckily enough you still have plenty of time to take care about it. Those who are not fortunate enough to have a muggle or muggle-born relative or friend are to seek out the help of a fellow student, or you may ask me as the last resort. I do not want to see unsuitable dresses."

_**17 May, 2002**_

Hermione was finally past a very tiring week. She still had a few hours before she had to start her night patrol that she volunteered to take over from Professor McGonagall. The extra duty delayed her departure. She only got to truly visit with her son later, but she didn't want to make excuses to refuse the headmistress' query. Poor Minerva was absolutely exhausted, and she could have used a really good sleep.

The late afternoon sunshine still kept the castle park warm, and she decided to take a walk to the Black Lake, and perhaps feed the Giant Squid. She laid her robe in the grass, and made herself comfortable, for a while she enjoying herself as the sunbeams tenderly stroked her cheek, and nearly fell asleep when she heard someone calling for her. As it turned out, it was a second year Ravenclaw who approached her in a rush.

"Professor Granger," he panted "you have visitors. They are in your office, and waiting for you."

"I see, Valerius. Could you tell me who these visitors are?" she asked the little boy kindly.

"Harry Potter," he replied the boy with an unearthly awe on his face "and a lady."

"All right, thank you, Valerius. You may go now. Enjoy your evening," she smiled.

Harry and Ginny came to visit her once in a while, and since Harry with his fame and all was reckoned as a sort of magic celeb, great excitement was to accompany their visits. There was always a few who begged for autographs, and many students tried to get as close to him as it was possible whenever he was on the premises.

Her friends had made themselves comfortable by the time she got back to her office on the third floor. Both of them were sitting on a little sofa that was in the corner of the room, in deep conversation when she entered. In front of them on a table was a steaming teapot and a plate of delicious looking cakes.

"You feel very cosy, I see." Hermione greeted them with a smile on her face. They both jumped up and tried to outrun each other to give her a hug.

"Hermione, I missed you so much! You should be ashamed of yourself, never coming to visit us." Ginny examined her friend with her hands on her hips. The girl's face told of a sleepless night.

Harry and his girlfriend were worried about Hermione for a while now. The withdrawn, guarded life she lived was quite odd, and didn't suit her age or personality at all. They could feel that something was off, but it didn't matter how many times they questioned her or how hard they tried to ascertain the reason of her passiveness. The few answers she gave them were always evasive.

"Oh, you know how things are," she apologized. "I teach all week then I have to visit my parents. Of course, it doesn't mean that I don't miss you guys. Tell me everything that happened since the last time we saw each other."

"We have great news for you" Ginny enthused. "Harry, you should tell her," she said, poking him in the rib.

"Uhm," Harry blushed "there is not much to tell. I asked Ginny's hand in marriage, and she was gracious enough to say yes."

"Isn't he cute?" Ginny looked at him with a certain warmness then she pushed her right hand into Hermione's face. "Look that beautiful ring he gave me!" Hermione happily examined the huge ruby, absentmindedly playing with her own ring that she had been wearing for four years now.

"Hey, Earth to Hermione!" Suddenly Harry's waving had intruded her blurred vision. Ginny was staring at him oddly. She was still unfamiliar with Muggle idioms.

"Hermione, are you all right?" she asked her, a little worried.

"Of course, of course," she swallowed back her tears. "Wool-gathering, that's all. Now, where were we? Oh, of course! This is a beautiful ring. Great choice, Harry! Congratulations! It was just about time, if you don't mind my say so," she chided her friend gently. "So did you set the date?"

"Yes, it will be in August. We planned to wed at Grimmauld Place, but mum insisted upon The Burrow, and you know how easily she can get offended," Ginny replied excitedly. Hermione only knew Mrs Weasley too well to be surprised. Her friend's flushed face made her smile, but now Ginny caught a sight of the ring that Hermione wore.

"Look at that!" she exclaimed. "Hey girl, are you hiding something?" Ginny narrowed her eyes.

"What? Oh, no, this is just an... old family heirloom." She waved away the question. "I wear it all the time."

"Odd, I have never seen it before," her read hair friend answered pensively, and her eyes met with Harry's.

**_4 May, 1998_**

_The wounded wizards and witches along with the dead bodies were taken from Hogwarts and from the park around the castle. Those with fairly bad injuries were transported to St Mungo, and the deceased were taken care of by their families, or got an impromptu funeral in Hogsmead Cemetery if no one claimed them. The castle was in ruins, and the blood-soaked ground of the premises still retained the memory of the battle that was taken place two days earlier. _

_After Harry Potter's testimony the Ministry of Magic declared Severus Snape Potions Master, ex-Death Eater and also a deserving member of the Order of Phoenix innocent, and due to his self-sacrificing deeds they wished to provide him a decent funeral. However everyone was bewildered when Hector Sabinus, an attorney from Sabinus and Co. approached Professor McGonagall to expose the Potions Master's last will. Severus Snape bequeathed Hogwarts all his personal things and his only property to support the restoration of the school. It also stated that his body must be buried at a certain part of the Forbidden Forest. The funeral was quickly organized, since neither the Ministry nor the school board had anything against it. A good few speeches were delivered during the ceremony while Ron, Harry, Ginny and Hermione were standing right next to the grave. She stood there with an expressionless face, while her heart cried blood. After the service people mingled and started conversations with each other, yet the muggleborn witch continued to stand there all alone, staring at the muddy ground. She was astonished when Sabinus stepped to her, and introduced himself on a low voice, politely asking her if they could have a word in private. Hermione didn't know why that was necessary, but she agreed, and they met that night in the Hog's Head Inn._

_Aberforth didn't even throw a glance at her when she entered. The tavern was nearly empty, so it didn't take long to find the short wizard who was sitting in a boot in a dimly lit corner of the room. She chose the place, because she didn't have to be uneasy about prying ears. When she took a seat at the table the attorney cleared his throat then informed her about the reason of their meeting in a slow, languid voice. _

_"Miss Granger," he started "I initiated this private conversation because of the codicil in Severus Snape's last will that does apply to you and you only. According to this codicil I had to pass this to you right after his death. He pulled a small package out of his bag, and placed it front of Hermione. _

_"What is in the box?" she asked, thousands of other questions emerging in her mind. _

_"That I can't tell you. It was closed with a magical seal, as you can see," he added like he was dealing with an imbecile._

_"When did Se... Mr Snape give you this package?" she asked, a little embarrassed._

_"It is not in my power to inform you about it, for I am bounded by the client attorney privilege," the wizard replied. "Basically I cannot tell you anything else," he added regretfully. _

_"What would happen if you violated your client attorney privilege?" She started to suspect that she will get no answers for any of her questions._

_"That would cost me my life, naturally. I suppose it was on purpose that given client came to humble me" he looked her up and down knowingly "namely not many are willing to pay the high price of absolute secrecy. Now, if you don't mind... Could you just sign this right here?"_

_Hermione spent the night in her former dormitory in Hogwarts with the permission of Professor McGonagall. All those who still had a family returned home, so she was alone. She wrapped a blanket around her body, and she opened the package at the dim light of flickering candles. She found a small box and a letter in it. Her trembling fingers unfolded the parchment._

_**My Love,**_

**_This is your last letter from me. When you read this I will no longer be alive. I want you to know that you are the most important person in my life, and only you give me the strength to go through with it. I know that I kept so many things from you, and you might feel that I don't trust you completely, but you must know by now that I never had a choice. Albus entrusted me with a difficult task. As I was nearing my end I unexpectedly found something special that I always thought was unattainable for me. This special thing is your love for me. You turned my world upside down. You have to believe me when I say that every minute that we spent together was invaluable for me, and as the days passed by I found myself more and more guilty for my thoughts. I am a sinner because I have no right to ask you whether you would be mine forever if I lived. What you find in the box will prove my feelings for you. I want you to have it whatever comes in our way. You are my only happiness. _**

**_Love, _**

**_Severus_**

**_PS: You are sleeping peacefully next to me while I write this letter. You are as beautiful as ever, and I can't keep my hands from touching you. I pray to Merlin, so you would never need to read these lines._**

_Hermione's body was shaken by soundless snob when she opened the little box. She wiped away her tears, and admired the black diamond that was embedded into a white golden ring. _


End file.
